i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
