He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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