Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
