sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
foreskin is a definite game changer
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
