Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
