Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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