TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
