What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
