she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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