I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
thus making me awesome and them whores
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
