He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
