We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
