just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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