one two three fourrrrnication!
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Randomize