I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
