I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
