dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
