I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
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