Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
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