I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
