So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize