Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
