Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
