can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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