he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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