There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
