I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
