How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
