My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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