The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
