you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
