i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
