you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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