grandma shit on top of the toilet
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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