I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
