oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
