Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
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