I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
