I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
