I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
