Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
