So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
