I accidentally had phone sex last night
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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