i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
