The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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