She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
