I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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