If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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