I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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