You're my little dorito
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
