apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I need moral support for this bender
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
