I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
