Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
