was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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