my mouth tastes like poor choices
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
