You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Randomize
