so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Randomize
