I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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