I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
