I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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