i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Randomize
