everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
