I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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