by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize