Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
