The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
