like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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