she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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