My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
