Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
someone owes me an orgasm
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
