just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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