New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
