a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
