I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
