I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
birth control should be required to get into college
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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