Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
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