She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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