i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
