put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize