Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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